Half awake in a dream / by Alyson Khan

What does it mean? Half awake in a dream?

Have I gone too far in self-indulgent fantasies of living the life I hope for? Now I am surrounded by love, color, paints, boards, scraps of potential, ideas, inspiration but still, my worth is based according to my bank balance. I am all the way awake each day. So aware of how the system-structure-it’s-just-what-you-do “reality” Does not fit. Not me Not my children

Then why do I participate? Not sure. There are many miracles and amazing things about this world. It is endless, I know. But day to day I can’t quite make it make sense because I have to try too hard And when I do that I get sucked up and dried out

There are people to serve, places to clean, jobs too. Jobs. I have lost loved ones to the great big unknown end. They had jobs. And this reality keeps me questioning What is the point?

I am lucky. I know because I have it cushy While people in Yemen and Kenya suffer. Riots, earthquakes, fires, unrest. Even a few blocks over there is a homeless man begging With a sunken face and sad sad eyes.

half awake in a dream I type words that appear on a screen.

{This post is the 3rd in a series of writings inspired by the titles of my most recent wood assemblages.}