I have learned A LOT not only about being in the studio, but how facing the canvas regularly as a practice and all the things that come up in that process relates to life and no doubt brings healing. It's a serious laying of the self at the altar. A sacrifice of the resistance and bullshit to a true calling--something creative and life-affirming.Read More
There are moments in our lives that can only be described as convergences--as a series of opaque, transparent, semi-transparent, semi-opaque elements that come together and result in an uber-complex reality of intersections that make sense, but only without words.Read More
I recently destroyed an entire canvas, a thing I haven't done in a long, long time. And the weird thing is is that this canvas was ultimately about grief, about the cycles and nuances of the process of letting go--and of finding yourself new again. I had intended to keep this canvas, to show it, to even sell it maybe. But it turned out to be a majorly challenging thing that took me full circle in a way that I could not have ever planned or intended or hoped. I had worked it and reworked it. It had so much paint, so much thought and patience layered in. But it bothered me day after day until I finally approached the canvas and was moved to destroy it. Once the impulse took ahold of me and I knew I wasn't going to save the piece, I paid close attention and I learned that...
It's ok to let go of something you've poured your heart into, that you were sincerely committed to for a long time, that you believed in and were sure it would ultimately work. It's ok to let go, to admit that it just wasn't going to pan out, that there were good parts and that you learned a lot and worked some shit out along the way. But now the right thing to do is let go. F-ing let go. Stop clinging to hope. Stop relying on the interlocking knotted up network of assumptions that holds you aloft in a disconnected trance. Stop obsessively revisiting the places that you just can't f-ing resolve.Stop wishing for the magic to somehow click-in and make it all good. Stop trying to sand down the marks that are so permanent, well-run, over-known and overdone. Recognize that even if you surgically removed the unsolvable areas that absolutely don't go right with your deepest knowing, the gaping holes would never ever make sense in the bigger picture anyway. Let the whole thing go. Walk away. Take a deep breath. Feel the relief. Be free again.
Have you ever found yourself locatable? Maybe, possibly in the center of the spinning or in the middle of the misty pink of morning clouds?Read More
...you find there are layers upon layers upon layers of emotions, unfiltered infinity loops, trackbacks to major moments and endless questions...Read More
"Redintegrate" means "to return to a state of wholeness, to renew." Which is very befitting for the New Year. This word also makes me think of red-integrate--integrating the red/blood, the wounds into your story that make you who you are.
I see the canvas as a space where everything has permission to exist—a place of radical acceptance of the present in all its richness, paradox and uncertainty.Read More
...the little voice that you couldn't ignore, but tried to drown has the power of lightning bolts and it can blast through the cosmos and bounce back a big shocking HELLO! That's all.Read More
A couple signs say you might need to jump: 06The low grade trickle of misery running right under your nose, the countless days spent in subtle longing quietly being marked off the calendar. Are these not an adequate kick in the ass?Read More